An email newsletter from a local racing company landed in my inbox recently. It carried this interesting announcement:
NEW RACE! We are excited to let you know about our 2021 schedule – we will see the return of our regular schedule along with bringing back an old-time classic.
Well, hey, a new race means more business for Happy Planet Running, as this event company is one of my clients. So, naturally, I had to find out about it.
WTF? For reals? Why yes, there was even a “Register” button included. And Portland has the same thing, also sponsored by WHY bars!
My astute readers have guessed by now that both newsletters, though real, were dated April 1. I found it hard to believe anyway. Early spring in Michigan is definitely not a time to hold an outdoor event in the buff. The water temperature alone would require a wetsuit, which kind of defeats the purpose. And yet, the race director told me a number of people fell for it!
I can’t really blame them; it could happen. As a veteran of the World Naked Bike Ride (Portland, 2018) and the clothing-optional Burning Man 50K, (the links are to my experiences there) I know two of the three sports have such events. Toss in some skinny-dipping (and who hasn’t?) and there you go!
But I couldn’t just let the subject (or anything else) drop there. Being an inquisitive sort, I went to the all-knowing Internet to find out if there really is such as thing as the titular (*) tri in the newsletter. (Purely for research, you understand.)
I thought I’d found one in England. Nope – another April 1 announcement. The Wildflower Triathlons Festival has been dubbed “The Woodstock of Triathlon” and based on the review it sounds pretty much like that. No naked athletes, though, just one naked aid station, but I suppose it’s better than nothing.
I also came across, “Don’t Get Naked In Transition,” a book full of practical advice about doing triathlons. As a triathlete that particular rule sounds pretty self-evident to me, but you never know.
So I can conclude a couple of things from my investigation. One, the nude triathlon is an as-yet unexplored market for a young and hungry race company to exploit. (My client does many triathlons but is sticking with her core competency of clothed events.) And based on the number of people who clicked on the “Register” button in the newsletter, there would seem to be a guaranteed respectable headcount. Of course, there would be some challenges, like where you would put your race bib. Nothing that couldn’t be overcome with a little American ingenuity.
Now having pitched the idea (you’re welcome, no charge) would I actually do one? That depends, I’d want reasonably warm water, and shoes and bike helmets would have to be allowed. And decent beer. Like Oberon. Offer Bud Light and I’ll find somewhere else to shake my booty, thank you.
(*) You know I had to get that word in there somehow.